Finding the fun in the process and trying to keep perspective

Reviewing my last post and how I think I've progressed

This made me laugh! I was reconnecting with an old vet school friend, and she asked me if I was aiming for Kona in IM Malaysia in 6 weeks. I thought rather than a lengthy explanation, I'd send her the link to my blog. Re-reading it was well worthwhile for me, at this point in the preparation for the race. You see, I have ticked a lot of the boxes I mentioned in that blog, but I've also conveniently forgotten a few aspects! I will go into a bit more detail below, but essentially I have:

• Found the fun in training by swapping training for racing - TICK
• Riding hills - BIG TICK!!
• Been more relaxed and found more balance - TICK (until maybe the last couple of weeks)
• Not been so goal-driven - Hmmm - at times
• Not built up expectations around my performance in the race - Again, yes until the past couple of weeks.

So how have I nailed some of these aspects and not others?

Finding my love of racing again

With the Old Geelong crew at the Brighton 9km handicap

I have raced more in this prep than I have for years. Most of the races I have done have been running races, with Old Geelong Collegians, in the APSOC league. These are brilliant. They are usually handicaps, or relays, and because you are racing for a team, I always find you push just that bit harder than if you were just racing for yourself. The problem is, they are on Saturday afternoons, which means after a long ride, my legs are always fatigued for them. This is why I stopped doing them for a few years, during various Ironman/ marathon preps. 

But I have produced some surprisingly fast times despite tired legs, and each time that happens, it has boosted my confidence. Other races I have done, include a Sri Chinmoy half marathon (instead of a sunday long run - again, on tired legs, but went really well) and Pete and I stumbled upon a Veterans handicap cycling road race in the Grampians, after a wedding, which was SO much fun, and gave us an impromptu 55km time trial!! Plus it cured our hangovers!

LESSON ONE - It appears that when I perform better than I expect, my confidence is boosted. In South Africa, I expected too much. I was always on to a loser. 

Riding Hills, other cool stuff on the bike and my "big week"

The start of my epic 185km down the Hume

Oh yes. There is no doubt, this is where I am really happy on a bike. It's such a shame so many Ironman courses are set up for fast bike times (ie. flat!). Even though I had a shocker in South Africa, I loved the new, hilly course. But Malaysia is flat, so I do have to get my head around that. But instead of driving myself insane on Beach Rd (which after 9 years of riding it, is becoming very tedious), for our first big ride of the prep, we caught a train north, and I rode down the Hume Hwy from Benalla; 185km! I would never be as flippant as to say this was easy mentally, 185km is not. But it was miles better, thanks to the "big adventure" aspect than my last few 180km rides had been, and it's one of those days I will remember as being epic for ever! I still wish I wasn't driven so much by emotions with my training. I know that Pete can say "I have 180km to ride, I'll just do it". But I am who I am, and it's those emotions that can also be a massive positive for me, by making me so passionate about so many areas of my life. 

A special moment on Mt Buffalo I will always cherish

The other thing I did on the bike (and also included a lot of running) was a "big week" in Bright. Usually we do this in the summer, December or January, during our Ironman preps. It seemed a bit of a risk going up to the mountains in the middle of the coldest winter for 8 years, but I took my mountain bike, in case it was too icy for the road bike, and I was pretty willing to adapt the training as necessary. The main goal was just to get a lot of hours in, both cycling and running. I am SO GLAD I did it! I had some amazing rides, and because I dressed well, if anything I was too warm some days. I managed to ride 400km and run 50km that week, with 27 hours total. But more importantly, I just absolutely fell in love with the training. Riding to the top of Mt Buffalo, to the snow on a beautiful sunny day, actually moved me to tears. It was a wonderful, spiritual ride. That is what I have been trying to find again through this prep. When I started the sport, it was those moments that captivated me, and I had lost them in the drive to "tick all the boxes", or "leave no stone unturned". The process had lost its joy.  

LESSON TWO -  I need to find ways to have these experiences. They are what make you love the process, and to keep getting on the bike, or lacing up your shoes, and carrying on. 

BALANCE!

With Bec at the snow

We don't find this bit too difficult! We love our food and wine, but the balance is in not feeling guilty for those indulgences because I may feel like they have impacted on my training. We have reduced the number of nights out as the training has increased, and the poor wine cellar isn't being opened much at the moment! But there are other aspects of life that I have embraced more, and have "gone with the flow" regarding training as a result. One example was to go up to Mt Hotham for a day (yes, a day!) with friends Al and Bec McIntosh. this was a huge 36hrs or so, and happened to be the day before my OD (2.5hr) run. In the past, there is no way I would have done that. But I completely lowered my expectation of the run. It wasn't fun, or pretty, but I got through it, and doing the trip had been so worth it!

I've also thrown myself into work, and if I've come home exhausted after a day on my feet teaching, I've given myself the leeway to take the night off training. 

And finally, in June, I completed a 30 day yoga challenge, which not only was really rewarding, but improved all my niggles and tight muscles from all the riding and running!

LESSON THREE - I used to believe sacrifice was necessary if you really want to achieve your potential. I now think if you don't keep some balance, you may achieve, but at what cost? and for how long?

Areas where I may not have got it quite so right!

On the whole, this is a positive blog, because on the whole that is how the prep for this race has been. One of the many people who sent lovely messages after my DNF in S Africa said "remember the process of getting to the race, all the great training you did and enjoy that". I'm afraid for the S Africa prep, there wasn't a great deal of that enjoyment. Because I was so fixed on the end goal, I stopped looking around and enjoying the process. There is no way that will be the case for this race. Whatever happens in 6 weeks, I have so many great memories from the past few months, I will be able to reflect on that. 

But I've had my moments. They have occurred for a couple of reasons. Mainly they have been when I have felt demotivated (which is a typical reaction when I am tired or getting sick). I then start to question why I am training. Even whether I want to do the race.  In the past this has been easily answered by "because you want to have the best result possible in this race". Tricky to answer it, when the whole point of the race is just to finish. However "just" never means "just' in Ironman! The conditions in Malaysia, with the heat and humidity could be such that I will need to be the fittest and leanest I can possibly be, just to finish the race. That has kept me going in those tough times, but not always. 

Then there is the other end of the scale - the blossoming confidence that starts to emerge as I get fitter, see my times coming down, and start to think "I wonder how I could REALLY do?" 

DANGER!!!

This then leads to the relentless drive, that what I am doing is not enough, I need to push harder, train longer, see more improvements, feel guilty about that glass of wine. Luckily, when this has started to happen (which it has in the past few weeks), I have been able to look at the training I've done, and remind myself that it will be more than enough to get through the race, and hopefully finish fairly strong, with a smile on my face, as they hang my 6th finishers medal around my neck. 

Sean, my coach has continued to be a massive pillar of support. He has a program that works (I am proof) if you want to achieve your full potential. But he knows exactly what my plans are for this race, and what I have been trying to do. He has adapted our program completely to allow for that, and I am very grateful. I have also avoided some of the group sessions because I have not wanted to feel pressure (imposed by myself) to keep up in training. He LOVES having his athletes all turning up to sessions. he is a very "hands on" coach. And I hate to feel I'm letting him down in that respect. But again, he gets why I do it, and he's respected that. 

My overriding goal in this whole experience is to want to keep doing the sport long term. So far I think I'm achieving that, but we'll know for sure in 6 weeks time.

Moving forward.......by taking a BIG step back

Ironman South Africa - DNF

Most people who I know are aware that Ironman South Africa was my first DNF (Did Not Finish). I still find it hard to even write that phrase without getting a lump in my throat.

Why?

Because lets face it, Ironman is incredibly important to me, but there are other things in life. My health is one, and although I ended up in the medical tent on a drip, I came out of it all O.K. Pete is, in my life, far more important than Ironman. He can laugh about his DNF. He moved on within a day or two. My family and friends and their love and support, which were never more apparent than during this episode. And my career, which appears to be blooming before my eyes; almost it seems without me trying.

Which really neatly brings me to why I just haven't accepted this DNF yet, and why I never will. I BELIEVED in myself. Probably more than ever before, in terms of a race. I worked really hard in the prep. Ticked every box, ate right, slept well, had our life organised to a tee. I stood on the start line (at the front) and said  "you can win this age group, go and get it."

It didn't work!

What ensued was a good swim, then the most horrendous example of bad pacing ever seen in an Ironman bike leg! I still don't exactly know why I did it. I will justify the overpacing to some degree, as the first half of the course was very hilly, with some climbs of 11% for 2-3km. You can't stay below a certain intensity when you are out of the saddle in bottom gear! But I kept pushing ALL the descents (because I thought that was where I would save time) and also on the flat.




Some stats for those interested:

I estimated my FTP to be about 210W tapered, I hadn't tested it since August, so was riding more by feel.
Overall bike average power = 147W
First 60min = 172W
First half = 159W
Second half = 137W
TSS = 394.4

Clearly I rode a 60min Time-trial, then blew up! I can kind of laugh about that, and if that was what I had planned, then great. But I am pretty sure, since I was eating and drinking as I had planned for the optimally paced race that the massive dehydration I experienced, and the trip to the medical tent was because I rode at so much higher intensity than I should, that my needs were not met by my intake.

Lessons

And so they say you learn from your mistakes, and knowledge is power, etc, etc, etc.

That might be so, but usually in my mind, that would mean you are able to regroup, set new goals, and go forward. However, what this race has done for me is given me a different lesson.

I have realised that following my success in France, and racing Hawaii, I have striven ever since to be that same level of athlete. I have trained, eaten, planned like an elite, squeezing my PhD in around that. For this prep we gave up a lot of our other interests - the cinema, eating out, weekends away, red wine! We just focused on "getting it right". I dragged myself to the gym every friday night, because I wanted to address that "final 5%".
And yet I finished my first 2 ironmans, in respectable times off far less organised preps. I finished Ironman Los Cabos, a really tough race in 11.36, 10th in my category off an extremely limited prep.

So I realise that it's no good striving for that "last 5%" if you don't get the "bottom 95%" (which includes race day pacing) right first! And part of that bottom 95% HAS to be my love for the sport. Anyone who knows me, knows how passionate I am about it. I am also incredible goal-driven, and while the passion was ignited by the thought of finishing an ironman, it was kept alive by the drive to excel, to be the best I could be. That included going back to Kona, but was mainly around time goals, or placing high up in my Age Group.
But first and foremost for me Ironman is about crossing that finish line.

So where to now? 

My biggest fear through all this was that I would fall out of love with the sport. I will be brutally honest about myself. I have moved away from sports before, when I have felt that I've reached a plateau, dictated by my ability. I was an 800m runner at school, and after qualifying for my county (like state) and being royally trounced at the inter-counties event, I moved on to hockey. Got to N. Wales U18 level, but no further, moved on to rugby. Played for my country, but never got to go to a World Cup. Quite a similar pattern. 

My motivation for doing triathlon was purely for the personal challenge it presented. Now, I'm at this point, where I have set out to do something on the bike that I was just not capable of. Even on my best day in that race, I would have been hard pressed to have challenged the podium-getters.  Do I repeat my past behaviours, and move on? 

No I won't.

It all means too much to me. I have said I want to be doing this sport when I'm in my 70s. That is part of the appeal for me. But if I keep driving myself to achieve something that is beyond my capabilities I will just be frustrated and burn out.

My first "goal" is to pursue events or sessions that I know I will enjoy. That means doing some running races with no time goals, or medals to chase. There is a cross country winter league that involves handicaps and relays that we used to compete in which will provide just that (and lots of hills and pain, in a good way!)

Also, I love riding hills on the bike. That was what led me to enter Ironman France in the first place. So we already have a weekend planned in Mansfield, and I'll take the bike for a nice climb up Mt Buller while I'm there. 

My second goal is to continue to inspire. I have had several people (some of whom I look up to myself, others who I only know through friends) who have told me only in the last few weeks that I inspire them. I find this hard to believe. But from what I can gather it is because of my obvious passion and enthusiasm for the sport. Several people in the northern hemisphere have said that my pictures of me training keep them going through their cold wet (or snowy) winters. This MAKES me want to carry on! We are a really close community in this sport. I have so many friends around the world because of the sport. I would never want to lose that.  

But what about Ironman?

Back on the horse

I really believe that if I want to move on and keep my love for ironman alive, I need to do another one, not for a PB, or to podium, but just to finish.

So we are going to race Ironman Malaysia on September 27th. 

It will be very hot, very humid, and to complicate matters on the bike, there are "monkey zones". Yes monkey zones! Where you are not allowed to eat, in case the monkeys (rabid) try to attack you! That will make finishing the bike an achievement in itself!! 

My race plan? Drink a few cocktails on the beach (ok, maybe AFTER the race!) 

Swim to enjoy my recently acquired swimming ability!! (Non wetsuit swim - should give the ladies with better buoyancy a chance!)  

Bike - EXTREMELY conservatively (maybe wave at the crowds, but not the monkeys?)

Run - To finish. Smiling! I owe my race shoes 38km after they only got to do 4km in South Africa.

I will continue to blog occasionally. It will be a challenge approaching this race more conservatively, but I believe it is what I need to regroup and continue my love for this crazy sport! 

I can't begin to put into words the gratitude I feel for all my friends, family and their support. You all know who you are. Also to my coach Sean Foster. I desperately want to be one of his "high performance" athletes. But hopefully my enthusiasm and passion can inspire new athletes in the club to move up and take that place.  And of course Peter. My rock. He is even more excited about Malaysia and the monkeys than anyone could imagine! What a life! 

 

Ironman South Africa - pre race musings

Race week is upon us!

I can't quite believe that I am already here in Port Elizabeth, 4 days away from Ironman number 6. I love race week, especially when we race overseas. At the moment, all the nerves are staying away, excitement is the main emotion, and I can't stop smiling because I will have made it, not only injury-free but also healthy to the start line.

The last 10 weeks

Our training since my last blog has gone really well on the whole. We have completely changed our day-to-day diet in the past 6 months, using the Matt Fitzgerald "Racing weight" plan, and the major difference I have noticed is that even when I was in the biggest weeks of the training program, while my legs may have felt dead, my overall energy levels were better than ever, and generally I was recovering better than ever before. A highlight was our little "race weekend" 6 weeks out. We decided not to do a half ironman as a lead-in. We didn't want to have to break up our training with the taper needed to perform, nor the recovery needed after a full race. Instead, we did the double (2.5k and 1.2k) at the Cerberus Swim, followed by a tough half marathon at Warburton the next day. Both of us went really well, and it gave us a big boost going into the last big block of training. We are both using Training Peaks to track our training and fitness, and I managed a nice gradual build in my CTL (a measure of your overall fitness) to a peak of 150 just before the start of the taper. (Generally 140 plus is considered high level age group). Performance management chart for the build shown below. 

Performance management chart

Putting it out there

Which brings me nicely to expectations for the race. Many people wouldn't want to share their chart as I have above. Even more don't come close to discussing what their goals are for a race (or they're very cagey about it). I totally get that. For some, it's the fear of "putting it out there" and failing to deliver. For others, especially the good ones, they don't want their competitors to get wind of what they need to do to beat you. I don't, and never have worked like that. I can't count the number of people who tell me I "wear my heart on my sleeve", and in a good way. Any of you who are reading this and know me, also know that. I think for me, the more I vocalise my dreams, my goals, the 

stronger my belief that I can reach them becomes. I had a lot of self doubt early in the prep for the 

race. I'd been sick as a dog, post sinus surgery, and came back to training way slower than I would 

like. Sean Foster, my ever-awesome coach told me I had to "hang my hat" on something that always 

reminded me how good I can be. He mentioned my 3.28 run in France. He said "you have to remember that you did that, and what you are capable of". So I put it on my fridge, along with a few other little mental boosts. It's been invaluable for the past couple of months.

Mantras

Race goals

Interestingly, since writing the paragraph above, my original race goals may have changed! Why?
Well it's not because my confidence in what I may be able to do has changed. Instead, it's because we
drove the new, 2 loop bike course yesterday and realised that far from a flat, TT style course, it now has a 30km section of relentless hills, with some very technical corners on the descents. Brilliant news for me, I'll back my abilities on a hilly course much more than a flat one. But the issue may arise if the wind is an Easterly, as forecast. Realistically this will mean 10-15km of tailwind, but uphill, about 10km of downhill with tailwind. 30km of hard hills, then 30-35km of full headwind to finish the lap. If so, that will blow expected times out of the window. Nevertheless, it is what it is. I will give my original goals, but we are hearing predictions of 30-40 min slower for the bike.

Swim goal - 

Ideal = 1.02-1.05

Realistic = 1.05

Happy with = <1.08

Aiming for top 3-5 in age group out of the water 

We swam the first 1.5km of the course today, and there was a big current against us. I don't mind that, it's the swell and chop that mess with my stroke. Hoping for fairly benign conditions. This course can vary by up to 10min on a bad day though. 

Bike goal (originally) - 

Ideal = 5.30
Realistic = 5.40
Happy with = 5.49 (my IM France time)

Obviously may change completely dependent on course changes and wind. Main goal is to stay positive and focused, accept that I will lose some places on the bike, but can run them down.
Aiming to remain in top 5 coming off bike.

Run goal -

Ideal = <3.30
Realistic = <3.40
Happy with = 3.45

No excuses on the run. It's MY leg. Always has been. Goal is no 1 in age group. On previous results, 3.40 will get me that.

Overall goal - 

Ideal = <10.30

Realistic = 10.35 (PB)

Happy with = Sub 11hrs. But no, I wouldn't be particularly happy!!

On the note above. I have done everything I can to set myself up for a very good race. I don't think 

I'm quite in pre- IM France form, but I may never get there again, without risking burn-out. So I 

WILL be happy with whatever comes out of this race, because I am grateful to have got here, very 

healthy, despite clocking more 20hr-plus weeks than ever before. I will leave nothing out there. That

 is really the only goal I need. 

It is no secret that I am gunning for a Hawaii slot. There will probably be 2 in my age group. I am aiming to go to the Hawaii roll down on Monday ready to claim my slot outright. But if that doesn't happen, so be it. I have said since my first ironman that after all the training and emotional energy we put into the prep, I would NEVER want to feel disappointed with any ironman finish. 

So goal number 1, as always is to finish.

Number 2 is to smile for the cameras! 

Number 3 is leave it all out there. 

Pete and the "Team Coombe goal"- 

A little additional challenge (and carrot to push harder!) Is the Team Coombe cumulative goal! We calculated that our best time from a race we have done together is about 23 hours, at Los Cabos last year. We are aiming to ABSOLUTELY SMASH that PB!!! So even if our own targets blow out, we will keep chasing the Team Coombe PB. I'm betting that 21hrs is very realistic! Pete is in superb form, I'm as excited for what he can do in this race, as I am for myself. It is a wonderful thing for us to be able to do this together.

Thanks to everyone who is a part of our wonderful life and thanks for all the support you give. More detailed thanks post-race. I have already been told to think of people watching as we cross the timing mats. I can't begin to say how much strength you can draw from knowing that when you are racing 

away from home. 

To track us, go to www.ironmanlive.com on Sunday 6th April.

My number is 2215

Pete's is 1038

Pete starts at 6.40am SA time (that's 2.40pm Melbourne time, or 5.40am UK time)

I start at 7.00am (3pm Melbourne, 6am UK)

Let's do this!

Turning down an opportunity....or looking at the big picture

The opportunity

I was meant to be racing Auckland 70.3 this weekend - with the idea of giving myself an extra shot at Hawaii qualification. It is a half, but as with Mandurah 70.3, there have been 25 Hawaii slots allocated to it. I wanted to write this blog now, BEFORE the race, because it will be interesting to see on Sunday what it would have taken to get the slot, but I don't want to overshadow any of those qualifying by saying "what if I had been there".

The big picture

The fact is - I don't think I would qualify at this stage. Not outright anyway. I took stock of things after Mandurah, talked to Sean, and decided that I really didn't have my "peak form" run legs in me at Mandurah. In fact, looking back at some of my training records, I really peaked around July-August, and then plateaued. I really just don't think I was getting enough running kms in.

So fairly quickly, I decided that my main priority needed to be in the best IRONMAN shape (not 70.3) I could be in by South Africa in April. I am a runner, but I'll have a much better shot of running the bikers down in a marathon, rather than a half. Sean and I discussed me doing some blocks of "run emphasis" or "bike emphasis", with easy long hours for the other discipline, so I could really train the discipline I was emphasizing properly.

A bit of a setback

I scheduled sinus surgery (an ongoing problem that needed to be addressed) the week after Mandurah. I expected a couple of weeks recovery, then planned to hit my straps with the ironman training. Unfortunately a post - op infection made me really sick, and I couldn't even work on my thesis properly, let alone train!! But my wonderful doctor Karen Holzer came to the rescue as usual, put me on some Moxifloxacin (at $18 a day, they HAD to be good!) and I was back on track. 18 weeks to the race.

A Bright start over Christmas

An amazing group to spend Christmas with

After a solid first 2 weeks of proper training, we headed up to Bright (in the mountains) for Christmas. But really it was to train! Pete and I like to spend a week up there every year, often at the end of January, riding all the mountains, running and having a dip in the mountain water. This year was pretty special, as we arranged to go up with a "few" of the MTC/ fluid athletes, but close to the time, the numbers increased substantially, and we ended up with 10 Melbourne - based triathletes from all over the world, hanging out, riding and eating lots of food (which I had loads of fun preparing!) 

Recovery and consolidation 

We ended up training 25 hours Xmas week, and rode over 500lm. Obviously the next week was recovery, but I think going into that huge week with so little base behind me, took its toll. I've had some huge positives the past 2 weeks; like a 4 min PB for 3.8km in the open water, and some really good improvement in my running, but I've had days (like yesterday on the bike), where things have gone really badly, and my legs just won't work.

BUT I have more energy in myself than even before IM France or Hawaii. I feel positive (when I'm not pissed off with my legs!!) and I've had real moments in my running where the "old Jo" feels like she's back. Especially off the bike, which after all is what it's about!! The best thing is, Pete is absolutely ON FIRE at the moment, so we can now do a lot of our running together.

Letting it go

So whatever happens in Auckland on Sunday, I won't care. Of course I'll look! (If you're interested I would have been racing F40-44 there). Auckland is a relatively slow course - last year my AG was won in 4.58. My PB is 4.48, so on my day, I'd back myself. But in the form I'm in, I don't think I'd have been capable of the win. Also, it would have meant a taper week, plus recovery week, meaning a big disruption to all the work I am currently doing to lay the foundations for South Africa. I have been racing for 6 years. I am a racer, and will give it my all in 80 days. But for now, training vs racing is what I need.

What's ahead

I'm on a bike emphasis phase to the end of this week, but we are doing a carb-tolerance test on Sunday (to trial our nutrition) which will involve a 2hr "race pace" run. I don't intend to back off the mileage on Saturday's ride; I need the kms in the legs too much. But it will be good to see what I can do on that run on Sunday. 

Next weekend we have the 4-day Ironman camp, which will be huge, and will give us some practice in proper ocean swell (the swell in South Africa can be up to 2m). My goals for the camp are to get through the full 180km ride well, and swim as much as possible. 

Following that, I am considering entering the Warburton half marathon, which is on Feb 23rd (6 weeks from the race). I probably wouldn't do a big taper for it, but it would be good to dial in that "last half of the ironman run" feeling!  

I'm feeling really good about things. I have my moments where I wonder if I will ever be the athlete I was. I also wonder if even my best will be good enough in South Africa (the F40-44 winner did 10.25 last year). I won't know the answer to those questions for another 11 weeks. But I'm doing everything I can to make the answer "yes and yes".